Sometimes it's really hard to admit when you are wrong...it can be so hard too when it's a confusing issue, or maybe an issue you have divided feelings on. I'm there now. (ok I think we are all to some extend ALWAYS there but this time I cant make it go away because, well it's in my face every day...literally)
Ok so some feeling, thoughts, emotions we keep inside....we may admit them to our closest friends, we may admit them in a diary but some of them (and dont kid yourself we ALL have them) SOME of them we NEVER say, we NEVER write and I would go so far as to say, we probably lie to ourselves about them.
So you wanna know; what Lacey, what issue are you talking about? It's a big one...and I am timid to even put this out there...but I think if you bear with me to the end...I may be vindicated some.
It's the issue of race...I think EVERYONE; black, white, asian, mexican, purple, orange or green...we are ALL to some extent racist. Maybe this is human nature, maybe it's my murky view of a touchy subject that no one wants to talk about because it's not politically correct...but I mean to some extent I think it's normal right? I mean we all think we are the best....or maybe a better word than best would be to say; we all have pride in our race. Which I think is ok, I mean I am proud to be the race I am but I think when it crosses the line is when I think I am BETTER than another race...then well, that's ugly.
I mean really it's ugly because WE DONT CHOOSE to be who we are, we are BORN into the family, race, gender that we are...right? I mean we CHOOSE who we become as far as personality, religion, morals but no matter how much I dont want to be; I am a woman (and if you bring up sex change surgery....I will beat your ass....that changes what you are, but you are STILL what you were born to be....don't get me started!) I am white and I am short...all things I have NO CONTROL over...
So why the hell would I think I am better than any other race?
I mean I think it's easy to point the finger and say, well "they are all this way" or "they are all that way" when really I am being an ignorant fool who is lumping all these people into one catergory...
I had my whole view on this changed recently when a mom I am currently getting to know shared with me that people at our kids christmas program GOT UP and moved seats because she and her husband and adorable baby sat by them and they happen to be a different skin color than the racist, white pigs that were sitting there! It hurt me really deep to hear her tell me that story and to see the pain in her eyes...I mean she is truly the sweetest, most loving person I have met here...She would do anything for you, she is a sweet mother to her adorable 3 boys, she is someone I am getting close too and it never dawned on me that peoples close minded views just isn't something to be blogged about, it isn't something to be taken lightly...its a real issue...that AFFECTS her DAILY LIFE!
I mean how would I feel if someone just LOOKED at me and judged me. I mean I am overweight, how would it feel if everyone that saw me assumed I am a lazy slob because I am overweight? And the thing about this example is that it is flimsy at best because I am overweight because I WAS lazy and I DID let myself go...so in a way, it's my fault...unlike my sweet friend who has no choice in what color her skin is!
And just being around her and her family makes me see that COLOR is just that...it's COLOR...I mean when I tan do I become a different person? It just makes me see that maybe in the past I have judged based on something so stupid....maybe I deep down have been a racist, and maybe now I see that I was so wrong...because when I look at her sweet baby and when I talk to her...all I see is one of the cutest babies I have ever seen and a new friend who is so good to me and I am so thankful for her...that I dont even see our differences in skin color...but here someone else does see the difference and wouldn't even SIT by her...
How can we ever be a united country if we wont unite? I mean how amazingly stupid is it to think you are better than someone based on YOUR SKIN COLOR?!? I mean be proud of your race and heritage but find your WORTH in what you do...in what you EARN....in what you ACCOMPLISH...but your skin color...well you can't take credit for that....so why can't we just all be color blind? (super corny...but seriously so true!)
I'm so thankful for my new friend...I'm so thankful that I didn't see our differences, because now when I am with her all I see is how we are alike and how my life wouldn't be as good as it is without her in it. I mean I could have missed out on a great friend and really that would have been MY lose, because I wouldn't have a friend or a new outlook on something I thought I knew myself on...
I'm really glad I'm still growing, I'm really glad when I see something new again...and I hope I always am that way because some of my best lessons have come when I put my guard down and just open myself up to being wrong and to stand corrected!
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Whew! Heavy stuff. It's true though, and when certain people of a certain race act in a way that plays into society's stereotype of them, it's hard NOT to judge them. It's when they don't that it becomes eye-opening.
ReplyDeleteI know one African-American girl here who's chill as can be and we're really good friends. I know another girl who is racist as shit against white people and is always ranting about the "power of the black female" and other garbage.
I hear ya on this one. Don't you think that if the media would do more to promote unity amongst races it would helP? When you have a racist President, it's hard to combat; but society's perception is led by all the different media venues that we're exposed to daily and if they would just change their tune a little it would make a big difference.
Bottom line? Most people are racist because it's "cool" to be racist. It's cool to make disparaging remarks about others to make yourself look better.
It's so sad. But I'm proud of you for talking about this and I love you for the fact that you're constantly trying to improve yourself and be a better Lacey! Love ya!
I'm really not sure what to say on the subject. I've been raised up around it so much I'm sick of hearing the word. I was always told being the "white girl" in an almost all "balck school" that I was rasict. Which to be fair I really just hate irgnorant people no matter what the color of your skin is. But this was very deep and I am very proud of you for talking about think. As we age we get better over time from living and learning. I love you Lacey your such a great person. Reading your words makes me a lot of the time want to be a better me though I don't know how to be that. But I want to be.
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