Fort Hood made me think...(oh and it's longgg and rambling with nostalgic memories...you were warned!)

As I sat 2 nights ago and watched the coverage of the Fort Hood tragedy unfold, I found myself crying and hugging a pillow, I found myself wanting to reach out and hug those crying wives, children and parents, I found myself feeling it so much deeper than just some random shooting that we hear about on the news all to often. No, this felt personal, this felt like family, this hit to close to home.

It gave me the opportunity to reflect on these past years and how my life has changed from being wife to army wife, from being new army wife to army wife with some experience and dare I say wisdom tucked under her belt.

Of course when I start to think of that, I can't help but think of how I got here...and those are some of my favorite memories so since this is my blog and therefore it's kinda like my journal...I felt like remembering some of those moments in writing...so bear with me, I am feeling nostalgic!

I remember when Rob enlisted, our first time apart for more than a weekend since meeting! I remember thinking how I THOUGHT it would be ( I hear you fellow army wives nodding and laughing!) I think we all do that, we all have some idea of how this is going to be, how it's going to feel...many of us think it's going to be like "army wives on lifetime" and we're going to be standing beside all these honorable soldiers and we're all going to be family and it's one happy mix of people supporting each other. Then we get our first duty stations, faces all glowing, hearts all open....and bam we see oh wow this is a hard job, alot of these soldiers hate this, oh wow these wives are mean, catty and crap I should have never trusted her because now my secrets are all over and people are judging me, oh no I blogged sweetly and innocently about something I was afraid of and I used the wrong words because I am new and stupid and some other wife took that blog and used it against me and tried to get my soldier in trouble! OH GOD hide me!!!

Ok ok so that happened to me...innocently I said "unit" when I meant "brigade" and oh my word that started more drama than I ever even knew existed! I had one friend then, who I just met at a meet up and God bless her she listened to me blubber and sob on the phone and she LOVED ME ANYWAY...amazing! (love you Jess!)

Then I hid in my house because when I walked outside after that incident I thought everyone knew, I thought everyone was talking about blanchards stupid wife....ha ha ha...oh me, it's funny NOW....

So I hid, and this annoying ass blond girl kept sending her kids over and kept asking me to do things and one day she actually had the gall to tell me I was doing something instead of asking me...so I went, I mean crap I didn't want her kicking my ass or anything....and I fell in love with her daughter...and I went thru a horrible time were I thought her son was going to die...and I started to want to be dragged out and I fell in love with her and her son....and now I even love her husband and I can't imagine what my life would be without them, I shudder to think were I would be without her! She made me see that I am pretty darn fun, she made me see that "who cares what they think", she showed me just how strong I could be and she proved to me that when I wasn't strong, she was gonna be there holding me up, she showed me I could trust people and that if I didn't I was going to miss a friendship that was about to change my life! She also showed me how good cheap cake is, how good an alcoholic drink can be after a bad day and that Harry Potter is one hot little student! ha ha, I love her, she's my "lover", she's my heather!

Then I started to think ok hmm maybe there are some wives around here worth knowing...but still stubborn as ever hid some more....but during the awful time I thought heather's precious son was dying I was helping to watch sweet Jaylin and our other little new Asian neighbor was helping too and one week after I got super sick I took Jaylin across the street to drop her off and this little Asian neighbors loud mean dog bit me....so thru the whole process of that I started to talk to her a little more...and heather (seriously she started all this, I cant take any credit) started dragging us both around...and this little Asian girl started to feel like my little sister, I fell in love with her sweet little boy who is so cute you just wanna pinch his cheeks! She showed me that being who you are even if you are a weirdo is way cool, she showed me that potty talk is hilarious and excusing yourself to poop is completely acceptable! She showed me every sale victoria's secret had and she had cute shoes that I could steal because apparently I have tiny Asian feet too! =) She showed me that someone else needed me just like I needed her and she was up all night on im when I was and we cried together alot when we didn't know were our men were and if they were safe! She showed me it's ok to drool a shot all over and not to be a wuss who drinks shots thru straws...she's my lil Asian sister; Christine and she was the 2nd wife right on my street that made me think....look there are some good wives out there after all!

Snow...not something that happens often at Fort Campbell and I should have known it was bringing something magical with it! I remember playing outside with the kids in it and Christine and Heather coming over with their kids to play in it and we all watched as a car pulled up to the empty house across from me, we tried not to stare but we couldn't help it...who was this new person going to be because the old person who lived there was wretched and mean...and out comes a tall, curly haired quiet girl with the cutest blond girl bouncing around the yard in the snow...we all whispered "should be we over? should we be friendly" a bit scared since we didn't know if she was one of THOSE wives or not...but gradually heather and christine started talking to and hanging out with her...me no not me...I was stubborn as always...thought she was quiet...really looking back I thought she didn't like me, so I wanted to not like her first...but then we hung out some in our little "collins st group" and I started to see she was kinda quiet but when she did come outta her shell I thought she was one of the best people I had ever been around...I loved talking to her, it was amazing but SHE GOT ME, her humor was like mine, and even though we are so different, we are also so much alike it's kinda scary....She taught me that she would love me and be sweet to me and I couldn't keep her away, She taught me that it's ok to be mad at your husband that doesn't mean you don't love him, She taught me that you can be fabulous at any size and any stage of life you may be in...she taught me that it's ok to smoke in my front yard and make fun of a new president at 2 am, she taught me that she would never let me go to bed on my birthday without singing to me and that lemon bars are a perfect birthday cake and that party lite t-light candles make good birthday cake candles! She showed me that she would love me even if I beat my husband and that I cant lose her friendship even if I am a mess! She is my dog-in-law since our retarded dogs are sisters, I cant imagine my life without her, I fell in love with her, her daughter, who told me "cheese would make it better" and who I miss her friendly hellos from across my street, her totally weird, but scary I get him, husband and her mom who totally rocks! She means the world to me and I couldn't make it thru a day without texting her; she's my katie face!

With the meeting of those 3 women my life changed... I don't just say that...it changed! They have shown me so much about me, they have seen me at my best, worst and everything in between and never once have I thought they wouldn't or couldn't handle me. They gave me something better than an "army wives" life, they gave me a real life, a street that I adored living on...they showed me that family has nothing to do with blood or genetics and everything to do with love, commitment and caring about the friends that we bring into our lives. They showed me their hearts, they shared their families with me, we shared our lives daily and even through a long 14 months of my husband being gone, I never felt alone, I missed him and I longed for his return to me but the life I lived those 14 months was precious, sweet and something I will cherish forever in my heart. Where ever I go in this life I know that those memories, that moment in time, was an amazing gift from a God that knew just what I needed and literally dropped it on my front step!

Oh and cant forget the girlie he dropped right into my house =) The only other girl I have lived with for a week and never once had a problem, the sweetest most adorably caring woman I know, who fit right into my family like she's been there forever and my daughter loves so much she wants to be her! Who taught me that just because you're young doesn't mean you cant know what you want and who's husband IS my husbands brother no matter what sets of parents they have...the couple who I adore and miss so much it makes my heart hurt! My Amber and our Coevilles! and who's beautiful daughter I can't wait to meet!

I also would be a huge ass in not mentioning a couple other people;

I briefly mentioned Jess who from the first time I met her there was a feeling of trust there, she is the most real person I ever met and I love her to pieces. She showed me that I could trust her, she showed me that even when I messed up bad she just smiled and said "hey it happens, your ok" My kids adore her girls and I felt so at home in her home even when I didn't know anyone! I think it's a Michigan thing =) and I have to say Michigan is a pretty great place even though I like to rag on it because it gave me my husband and my Jess!

I met another loud little lady, who showed me that I was fabulous, I would come to her house when called and that sushi is the best food on the planet, she openly mocked my eating of commissary sushi and showed me the best restaurant on earth Yamatos, she loved me even though my at the time e3 husband was far in rank under hers she was willing to go to bat and tell her husband "I love this girl, she's so not drama" I told her she couldn't lose me no matter how many other idiots came and went and her mom is a pig thrower....and I had the best spaghetti dinner with her and her pig throwing mama!

I love this story...went to an frg meeting, was totally prepared to be well bitchy because remember this was the same frg that had called me and made me bawl over some stupid mistake I made in a blog...but I went to learn when my husband was coming home, after had to talk to someone, I don't even remember now I think I was trying to be nice to my POC, anyway another wife was talking to her and I waited, my poc says oh were are you going again? I say "oh Fort Leonard Wood, husband is an mp" and this other wife says "no way me too" so we start chatting and in some random way I find out her hubs is an e6 so I feel the need since I know he's with my husband to tell her "look no pressure I get it if this wont work...it's ok really" but no this adorable friendly, just shining from within lady tells me...no give me your name so I can find you on myspace, we should chat we're going to the same place" so I tell her again "ok here's my name but really no pressure if this is gonna be weird for our guys" wait a couple days and HELLO friend request from my Jamie! She tells me sweet as pie "oh my hubs is totally fine with us being friends" so we chat and she comes over (one thing she taught me is that hot chocolate comes right out of berber carpet! ha ha ha had too say it!) I talk to her more online and see her more here at Fort lost in the woods and she teaches me so much about how sweet and caring she is, she is teaching me so much about how my God loves me and wants me for his own, I love watching her life and being around her... I may not get to as often as I want too but I love her company! I love that once again God brought someone into my life when I wasn't looking, and he knew I would NEED her! love ya girl!

I met so many other amazing girls even if just briefly with some;
*Jen (who is an army wife in my heart forever),

*Caity Woolley (who makes me believe that marriage can last forever)

*Sunshine (who would have my back in a fight and had the nicest doggies, no matter what anyone else says!)

*Judy (who has been there for me so much lately and I appreciate her to pieces, she is so caring... I love that it's great to feel cared about!)

*Hannah (who made my valentines day and is my favorite pookie!)

*My Katrina (who briefly joined our collins st for a short while and who I think has an amazing heart and is so sweet even when things were so hard for her! I am so thankful for her new life and new baby...no one deserved it more!)

So after all the rambling and remembering I seriously doubt that anyone is still reading but I did have a point...my point was that THESE women are my family, they are my friends, and the army brought us together and made us army families! So when I hear of things like Fort Hood my heart stops, my tears build up because I hurt for them, I know the fear, pride, heartaches, and triumphs of an army family! I know because I am one! I know how my heart would feel if that was my post, my friends, my friends husbands, brothers, children. I feel the pain because in a weird way we all have to join together because there are no other people alive that understand what we are going thru better than we do and even if I don't know that wife, that child, that family... I feel that pain, I feel that heartache because I know that it could have been mine, it could have been us but it wasn't this time.

My heart breaks for their pain and sorrow but my heart says a thank you that it wasn't mine this time, it wasn't my loved ones this time. Because we may be all individual families, we may all have different last names and ideas about what this is going to be like or how its going to feel but at the end of the day we all are in this together, so stand strong Fort Hood although you may not see us, we are there beside you and in your time of grief lay your heads down and take your time to mourn and we will hold you up, we will send our prayers and know that you are in our hearts!